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Being Vulnerable Sucks.

Updated: Jan 26, 2021

Good morning Raga-rootlings! (or evening from wherever you are!)

With Christmas just around the corner, I am sad to say that I will not have a short story in time for the holidays. Not for the lack of trying, however. I did end up coming up with two story ideas.

I have been wracking around the idea of a Christmas short, and I have come to a couple conclusions.

1. I am not good at writing Christmas themed stories.

2. I write a lot of LGBTQ content

All the shorts I've been storyboarding have been turning into more prolonged and continuous ideas lately. The one I thought would turn out to be a decent short has been the most vexing to complete. I have issues with sleeping, and my days have been pretty mixed up because of it. In turn, because I am up all night and sleep during the day, I have managed to develop two interesting stories in particular. I will spend some time talking about the Christmas one today since it is the most vexing, and the other is one that I woke up and just shock-put into action right away. I mean, I have like 6 pages already, not including writing notes on a notepad.

It's not shocking, to say the least when I can spit out ideas and write non-stop about them, which is why the first story is vexing. I had a significant writing fiesta. It compelled me to write ferociously and frivolously, just to get all the ideas out of me. I was all excited and really looking forward to it when I decided to tell a friend about it. Now, this isn't to say he was wrong or that what his opinion is because they are his own thoughts. What really sucked is that a simple comment from a friend who is usually supportive had dried my enthusiasm up. I had a dream where the world was dark and bleak, with a steampunk aura. It was a place where trees had died out, and the sun and moon weren't able to shine as brightly. Avoiding all spoilers since I do intend to eventually finish this story, the main characters meet, fall in love on the eve of Christmas Day, and save the industrial world where it is once again filled with life and wonder

As a side note, in my dreams, I pictured Colby and Yuru as the main characters because that is just how my brain works. I will, of course, make different characters, just don't be surprised if there are some similarities. I even told my wife as I regaled the plot to her as Colby and Yuru because it was easier to explain.

Moving on, as I said, I was so pumped and excited about writing. I even planned out how I would most likely get the concept art of the characters since I was so enthralled by them. I shared with my friend the idea as well, which turned out to be a mistake on my part. Either I should have waited till I completed the tale or just kept it to myself. Upon telling him it was a steampunk Christmas, he dreadfully told me that those two ideas could never mix. How could something like the steampunk culture ever mix with the idea of Christmas? This sucker punched me in a way that deflated my inspiration. I have spent days thinking about this comment as it plagued my ability to write the story. Other issues then started to arise from this poison as most artists will understand and know: The doubt of creativity. I then began to criticize my own thoughts and creative ability. What if he was right? What if this was just a silly idea and isn't worth reading or writing?

I also tore apart the story and changed the premise to better fit it, then scrapped it again to prove him wrong. This went through several changes to the storyboard. Eventually, this made it hard to figure out what I originally had dreamed it to turn out. I had even changed the main characters to a straight couple, hoping it would shift the inspiration. It was silly to change it, mostly because it felt right to use girls as the main characters since it was how it came to me in the first place.

Thinking about that comment thrashed my confidence. As a result, I put it on hold, trying to think of something else to write. With some meditation, morning pages, and then sleeping on it, I managed to develop a different story idea that is not at all related to Christmas and spent all morning writing it as I plotted and planned it out. This got me thinking about the first story idea and why I decided to blog this to share with you all. The idea of writing a short story or even a full story is just a way to express creativity. I know that not even one will agree, like, or even read everything you create. That's just part of life. However, just because you can't see how it would make sense in your own way doesn't mean someone else can't break that barrier. Besides, Steampunk is entirely constructed to break the concept of the victorian era with the industrial revolution. There are endless and boundless ideas to twist and use for this idea. I mean, if we look at Fable, which is basically built on this idea of Steampunk meets heroes with magical powers, how is that so far fetched to the idea of having a Christmas theme? Christmas doesn't have to be written in the same criteria of snow, romance, and presents.

Tim Burton proved that ideal wrong when he mixed Halloween with Christmas into a beautifully done movie. The story and animation were groundbreaking. Not everyone agrees with it, however, but that is the beauty of it. Finding something you love and just embracing it is perfect regardless of what people think of it. This comment broke my convictions only because I am vulnerable. I put my raw ideas out there, and without really preparing myself for the feedback, I hurt my own progress to grow. I was told as a child that I was never good at writing, and I let that stop me. Being told how an idea was not going to work really hit where it already hurt. I am not mad at my friend since he didn't do it out of a place of harm. I'm angry at myself for letting it stop me from trying. Every story I have written could all be trash, but if I quit because of one nay-sayer, will I ever improve? This is a lot of personal growth for my writing as I don't want to stop trying. I have strange and bizarre dreams and realities when it comes to stories, and I just want to keep trying to create and share them. If no one else likes reading them, at least I can proudly say that I love them. I get caught up in my own characters while rereading chapters because I love how they grow.

So to wrap this up for today, I am sorry that I fell through with my delivery. I will not give up on it and post it even if it is a little late for Christmas! To bring some good out of this, I have another fantastic story that I am working on to eventually share with you all as I begin working on it. I also have it all set up and ready to post the first chapter of Beauty and the Nerd. I have broken the original chapter into 3 parts to make for easier reading since it was 28 pages in total. I have already finished chapter 2, so it's ready to go.

Come the new year, there will be much more content to come, and don't forget that I have the Subscribe Contest going on. By subscribing to the Turnip Patch website, you can enter a draw to win and get your own personalized Turnip! This will be posted on the main page as well with your name! The subscription is free and just lets you all in on new posts so that you can keep up to date with what's new and exciting. Thank you all again for your support, and we will see ya soon!

Turan Turnip

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