Scheduling my schedule.

Hello, my Raga-rootlings.

I really hope that you are enjoying the short stories I’ve managed to post. I know I don’t have many followers just yet, but I am persistent! I have been thinking a lot about what I want to post in the future and what kind of inspirations to use. In fact, my post today is really about how scheduling and what I am going to do.

In honesty, I have no idea what my posting schedule is going to look like. In reality, I have no constant schedule for myself. Last night I was laying in bed thinking, “Maybe I should start working on a daily time schedule for myself.” It was really an inspiring moment thinking about when I will wake up and all the different times I will do this and that. “I need to exercise, eat well and meditate.” I even looked up some really cool beginner workouts to plan for what I was going to do today. This lead to me being up until 3 am in the morning and of course the grand start to my planning was 11:45 before I rolled out of bed. I made coffee and did my pages with a renewed flame. “I need to do this, and that, and I want these things for my future.” All this gusto went into how I am going to start getting my adult life together.

I am sure this is all too familiar with everyone who is trying to start something and keep consistent. With university classes being online and no more TESL classes to plan and teach, I feel a sudden void. This is all that lead to blogging in the first place and just looking for a creative outlet to keep my sated, but I think for the first time while I was taking a bath this evening that I realized much about my thoughts. In all of my plans and desires, I have noticed the overwhelming use of “needs” and “wants”. This may take a weird turn since this is also “shower thoughts” and we all know we have some really strange idea’s whistle washing ourselves. Mine came during me attempting to meditate to the sound of my breathing while submerged in the water.

While I was teaching English, you never realize what kind of language you use when you speak. In my case, I say idioms a lot and “would” is a constant staple in asking questions. This is all fine and dandy when you are talking to someone who can comprehend the language since it takes a great deal of knowing saying and concepts. To someone who is at the learning level of a 3-year-old, you don’t know a lot of vocabulary to understand it. This is not to belittle the intelligibility of the students in the class, they just didn’t know enough English. If I was living in Japan or even China as I am right now, I would have no idea how to ask or talk to anyone since I have no comprehension of their language. Even if I was to take a year in school, that only gets me up to the ability to say “Hello!” or “Where is the toilet?” This is just to give an idea of where my learning and thinking comes from so when I talk about the uses of “what” and “need”, it doesn’t seem out of place.

Considering “need” is a semi-modal, it is used commonly as either an auxiliary, affirmative or negative use. Most commonly it is used in a negative form such as “You don’t need that” or “You need to take your shoes off.” Because of that awareness regardless if we consciously think about it or subconsciously use it, I almost feel like “need” has that negative attachment to the idea of needing something. If we look at “what” as well, it is a simple continuous and can be used in the continuous form such as wanting, wanted, wants.

Unnecessary grammar lesson there, but bear with me. While I was bathing, the fact that saying things as I need or I want means that it is in the near future. This could be right after I finish the bath or 3 weeks from my bath. The level of procrastination is unlimited! So instead of leaving it as uncertain and uncontained, why do we think that way? These simple words are only really speaking of my desire to do something but why not say “I will”, or “I can do that”? This is entirely just my thinking and maybe other people have it figured out, but it was really impactful. Changing something like how I live my day by day with a time schedule is a big deal, so stamping it with just “I need/want to figure my life out” seems like it’s just an afterthought. I mean, I still have yet to figure out what my schedule is going to look like and how to even start it for the time being so don’t take it as I have my shit figured out. Cause right as we speak, I don’t. These were just some thoughts I found interesting and wanted to share.

The takeaway idea is that changing the words we use and understanding how we say things can make a big difference in the way we think and act. If the unconscious knowledge of attachment to the use of “need” is applied, when we say we need to do something for our future for personal achievement isn’t that just unknowingly adding failure to the idea? And that we leave no expiry date to want, does that mean we aren’t really applying ourselves to it? Personally, because I am trying to be more positive in thinking and want to grow, I find wanting to change those small ideals. Saying I can more often because, well, I can. There is nothing stopping me from just doing it or planning it right away. The issue is actually keeping a realistic goal in which I can complete tasks. I think big with very little time to accomplish it, and sometimes it’s just a lack of insight or understanding of what it takes.

Hopefully, with my small steps at a time, I can learn to speak more positively and stop associating words with negative attachments. It’s not always going to happen but it was a cool thing to think about for me at least. What do you think? What are your personal thoughts on saying “I need/want to do x” when planning something you want to do? Have you thought the same when trying to start a workout schedule? Let me hear your comments below!

Once again thank you for reading and I look forward to seeing you around for my next post!

Turan Turnip.